Temp Check: The Real Gays of Reality TV
Come on in, the water's mid!
Let Loose! Read our Drag Race recap, ‘The Elephant in the Werkroom’ after this reality TV roundup.
The Yearning Overall Rating: ✰✰½
Romance ✰✰
Sex ✰
Storytelling ✰✰
Performance ✰✰✰ ½
Yearning ✰✰
Written by Meg Heim
This week, I sampled a veritable pu-pu platter of the latest reality tv shows that feature queer people. I won't beat around the Kate Bush—it’s rough out there. Now, I return from the front lines, ready to report my meager findings to the hungry masses.
The good news, for those who partake in this particular brand of masochism, is that there are way more queer people on reality TV than usual. While there are some iconic outliers from the past that we will never forget (see Ali’s writeup on the gold standard, the all-queer season of MTV’s Are You the One), predominately the reality television landscape is saturated with cis, straight people. This is the case regardless of whether or not the show is actually centered on romance.
The bad news is that…these shows? They’re not great. They’re all missing something. Maybe it's enough representation, or high quality representation, or possibly, any kind of coherent structure. Maybe it’s the fact that Todrick Hall is passe. But they’re not hitting the spot for me. I normally enjoy the escape of reality TV—I am lulled into a meditative state, the world falls away, and there is only The Setting in Technicolor 4K. I want to marvel at the bikini collections, unnamed tropical islands and the physical challenges where contestants look like they are playing with larger-than-life versions of children's toys. I want to read the Wikipedia pages of the so-called Relationship Experts on staff and laugh at how fledgling couples will seriously reflect on their time spent in the Pods. I need stakes, rules, and a premise. Or maybe, I crave the contrast of how much it matters to them and how little it matters to me—as society crumbles around us, it's a relief to have no investment in something.
But I want to acknowledge progress and good intentions, so let’s dig in. Uh, sir? What are the specials today?
First Course: Perfect Match
How Netflix thought they could get away with naming a reality dating show Perfect Match, when the aforementioned MTV smash hit1 Are You The One is entirely centered around the contestants figuring out their predetermined-by-science “Perfect Match” is beyond me2. To take it one step further, and actually cast someone from the queer season of AYTO? (More on this later.) I do have to respect the unabashed confidence.
Perfect Match roughly follows the Love Island format, i.e. an extremely loosely structured reality dating show wherein each week, new potential matches are added to the core cast (worth mentioning here that all cast members are alumni of various Netflix reality shows3). If, at the end of “each night” (the matchmaking process happens like, right before bedtime), someone hasn’t matched up with another contestant, they are eliminated and must “go home” (aka go wait somewhere else in Panama in case they get invited back at a later time to potentially match with someone else).
Perfect Match complicates this by enforcing compulsory heterosexuality: each week, either two men or two women are added to the cast and suddenly, the delicate forces of nature are overturned. How can we make five boy/girl matches before bedtime? Which sex will have the advantage this week?? This imbalance inspires all kinds of harried, emphatic conversations in those hanging egg chairs popular in vacation homes, with a few members of the outnumbered sex passionately pleading their cases for why they’ve “actually felt a spark with you from Day 1 and this is finally our opportunity to pursue that”.
Through various conversations and confessionals, we come to understand that there are two bisexual women in the cast: mean hot girl Francesca and our Are You The One queer season alum Kari (!!!), who has rebranded as a Netflix girlie and now goes by her inexplicable full name, Kariselle. The two quickly forge a dubious alliance; I’m never quite sure if they are actually friends or if Francesca is just weaponizing their friendship, much like your popular “friend” in eighth grade might’ve done (I personally fell prey to several popular Amys.)
Nothing really of queer interest happens here until Episode 8, when Francesca is sent on a date with a new member of the cast—and it's another bisexual woman! Abbey Humphreys enters Beach Left. The two are immediately delighted to be paired up. In a world where many reality TV show execs have cited “complicated matchmaking logistics” as the reason for excluding queer romance, it was refreshing to see that this break from the standard show structure is addressed with almost no fanfare or acknowledgment. And here’s where I give Francesca some real credit: in a recent interview, she told Variety that she had realized she was incompatible with all the men on Perfect Match and was actually ready to depart the show, until she learned that they’d let her match with a woman. Abbey and Francesca have a really lovely date, where they affirm each other's experiences with religious trauma and coming out to families who have very different expectations for them.
Sadly, Perfect Match’s first bisexual pairing isn’t long for this world. In the next episode, Francesca and Kariselle begin a steamy makeout sesh in the pool, kind of for no reason and in spite of both being matched up with other people. Kariselle’s Jersey Shorian boyfriend Joey cheers on this fetishy performance4 and Abbey is rightfully upset and confused that her current match is kissing someone else. When Abbey confronts Francesca about it, she invalidates her concerns, saying, “Oh yeah, we just do that sometimes”.
Despite Francesca getting the gorgeous villain edit, I want to call out that she is just a player in a reality TV producer’s sandbox. I do think she’s smart and aware of the fetishization, but ultimately was just playing the game and being filtered through a straight-catering edit. Both her push to shake up the show’s structure and her very sweet, nerdy relationship with trans dad and TikTok star Jesse Sullivan make me think she wasn’t invested in Netflix’s games because she had, in fact, already found her Perfect Match.
Entree: The Real Friends of WeHo
I know it is cool to hate on this show because it rode into the scene on the back of so much controversy, cutting into RPDR’s airtime and featuring the problematic Todrick Hall. Beyond that, it centers a very one-note gay male lifestyle—that being wealthy, privileged, famous etc. But that's what the show is modeled after, isn’t it? The Real Housewives format is so successful because the wealth and access those women have is absolutely absurd. And hand in hand with that absurdity is their total lack of awareness of it. Delusion is the most important ingredient here.
Sadly, someone must’ve clearly overemphasized the impact that making The Real Friends of WeHo would have on these Friends’ lives, with each of them reminding us (more than once) in their asides that they in part accepted these roles in order to grow the influence of their various independent projects and passions. Fine, fine, okay. Sell your Skinny Boy Margaritas. But The Real Friends of WeHo is trying way too hard to be thoughtful, ethical, and mindful. Brad Goreski, the even-keeled mother-y one of the group, is a little too validating over summer salad lunches. If MTV is going to give Todrick Hall a platform to whine about how unfair it is to be criticized for not paying his backup dancers, then I think we need a little less pretense.
You get the sense that not all of the Friends are willing to play. In fact, many of them regularly reiterate that they are not interested in drama. James Vaughan—a Real Friend whose core wound is that they first asked his husband, Jonathan Bennett (Aaron Samuels in Mean Girls) to be on the show and then settled for him—staunchly refuses to engage in a messy fight over dinner in Palm Springs, saying, “I’m not going to participate”. Similarly, newly out actor Curtis Hamilton shared with Them in an interview that he did not sign up for a gay reality show to create drama. “I did not sign up for a Real Housewives show. I want to get that very clear.” But…didn’t you? In promotions for the show, MTV even invoked comparisons between the two shows more directly: “If you like the Wives, don’t miss these new House-Guys!”
Some members seem committed to delivering on the Housewifian content we’ve been promised, including Joey Zauzig (described by Good Morning America as ‘the internet’s best friend’). He’s like a gay Kardashian brother, complete with L.A. vocal fry, manufacturing a huge fight at his own engagement party with fellow Friend Dorión Renaud, whose thing is that he “hates influencers”. My favorite moment here is when Renaud is being ushered out of the engagement party by his personal security and is locked in a screaming match with Zauzig over whose skincare line is better. “WHAT STORE IS YOUR SKINCARE LINE IN?!” Renaud yells as he is pushed out of the backyard.
The ethos of The Real Friends of WeHo is confused. I think it has the potential to be a perfectly suitable gay guilty pleasure, and I will bravely go on the record saying: we need those! For example, as cancellable as he is, I think Todrick’s deluded way of moving through the world is actually appropriate for a show like this. He has the energy of someone who bumps into you on the sidewalk so hard you nearly fall, then looks up and says, without apology, that he literally didn’t see you.
In contrast, Curtis Hamilton’s storylines are the most emotionally heavy and are centered on his fears of coming out publicly, both as a semi-closeted Black man from a religious family and as an actor aspiring to be a leading man. I completely respect and admire his brave choice to share his sexuality publicly, but he is so distressed by the impact it may have on his world that it shifts the energy of the show. His process of becoming more comfortable in his queerness feels very serious, and it stands out against the fabulous (frivolous?) comings-and-goings of the more unapologetic cast. Ultimately, I think The Real Friends of WeHo suffers from some over-intellectualization and muddled creative direction, landing somewhere between understated docuseries and televised cat fights over endive salads.
Dessert: Love Trip: Paris
Freeform’s Love Trip: Paris takes four American women, unlucky in love, and asks the question: are they happy to be in Paris? Our cast members—Caroline, Lacy, Josielyn and Rose—move into a Parisian apartment complex full of potential French love interests. Bemoaning the failures of American dating apps, they must regularly check their phones and use an app to communicate with their potential suitors and ask them on dates. Their host, Matt Rogers (yes, that Matt Rogers!) lovingly guides them through this process. Oui oui!
Something about the structure of this show is even sloppier than Love Island or Perfect Match. Similarly, new suitors are added each week; and also, if one of our American Girls5 decides they’re not clicking with a French suitor, they go home. This elimination process is communicated via an extremely confusing “eviction” ceremony. Only certain suitors are invited (not all), and those in attendance are given a key by the person they’ve been dating that week. They walk to a fence where heart shaped locks labeled with their names are hung, and if their key fails to open their lock, they stay? If the key works and the heart shaped lock opens, they’re ‘evicted’. They’re going for a Pont des Arts thing, but this symbolism didn’t work for me—shouldn't it be a good sign if a key works? Also, as not all suitors are even invited to the ceremony, some are allowed to just chill upstairs and wait for another episode to decide their fate.
But what rocks about Love Trip: Paris is that three of these four women are queer! (And two of them aren’t even cis!) We have:
Caroline, a nonbinary lesbian who admits to loving lip filler
Lacy, a cis bisexual woman with an appealingly raspy voice and an overly therapized mind
Josielyn, a bisexual, trans Mexican-American woman with charming naiveté
(Our fourth American Girl, Rose, is straight and unfortunately a bit boring)
The complete lack of structure in this show allows for some really sweet moments of seeing these four women form a genuine and supportive community with each other. Josielyn sparks an immediate connection with a gorgeous Black woman named Gessica. But after fulfilling her role as a main girl on a dating show and going on a date with anyone else (a man), Gessica totally flies off the handle, accusing Josielyn of not knowing what she wants or who she is actually attracted to. With the support of the other three, Josielyn successfully calls her out on this biphobia and banishes her from the show with a perfectly working key to her lock.
Weirdly, it feels like Casting's focus was to bring in as many intensely jealous and toxic French suitors as they possibly could. Caroline quickly enters into a courtship with Lisa, a possessive queer woman who on multiple occasions refers to them as “her territory”. At least Love Trip: Paris is creating awareness of sapphic toxicity. Some of these French suitors keep coming to the Americans’ apartments, saying, “I just wanted to wish you goodnight…” and then trying to push their way inside? It feels very icky.
I really appreciated that throughout the season, several queer people are brought in as potential suitors who would not be considered (by traditional reality TV’s standards) to be marketable or palatable. (I thought they were all so hot.) However, the complete lack of an edit and storyline in Love Trip: Paris actually doesn’t do these queer girlies + Rose any favors. It ends up feeling really far away from reality dating TV and more like nothing at all. You can tell that the only two questions the producers are asking the French suitors are: “Why do you want to date an American girl?” and “Are you nervous that ____ is talking to ____?” I had a lot of hope for Love Trip: Paris, but it sadly wasn’t giving.
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Midnight Snack: The Elephant in the Werkroom
Episode 12:
I’ve missed “Who Should Go Home Tonight and Why?” and I respect Mistress boldly trying to eliminate her biggest competition (Sasha)
By this point in Season 14, RuPaul had only sent home six queens (+ Kornbread withdrawing for medical reasons). After this week’s episode, he’s sent home eleven!
I thought Wigloose was actually way better than the average Rusical? (Thank god they stopped making them actually sing.) Also, despite having been filmed a year ago, the message of the musical is a surprisingly relevant response to the drag bans and anti-trans legislation being pushed forward in this country.
Loosey continues to remind me of every Fake Nice Girl in Marketing.
To indulge one more time in Marcia Marcia Marcia discourse: I feel like, in a season that feels particularly predetermined as far as who the winners and losers are, it would have been nice to keep the Broadway girl around for one more episode so that she could do the Rusical. She would have been good!
Just one more thing…Let Loose!
Lottie Matthews, my antler queen! Next week on The Yearning, Ali will review the Season 2 Premiere of Showtime’s Yellowjackets.
To me (and Ali)
In case you haven’t seen AYTO, the contestants must figure out the Perfect Matches within the cast and vote on them to see if they’re right. More Perfect Matches = more prize $$.
Including: Love is Blind, The Circle, The Mole, Too Hot to Handle, Twentysomethings: Austin, and Sexy Beasts
This is annoying because Kariselle just had a really great conversation with Joey tackling bi erasure in straight-passing relationships and he listened attentively and offered genuine support!
Caroline consents to this terminology, despite identifying as gender-fluid