Guest Post: A Gay Awakening in Technicolor
Reid Pope on ‘Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat’
The Yearning Rating: ✰✰✰✰
Romance ✰✰ ½
Sex ✰✰✰
Storytelling ✰✰✰✰✰
Performance ✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰✰
Yearning ✰✰✰✰
Today’s newsletter is guest-written by friend of The Yearning,
! Reid is a trans Jewish angel comedian who floated down and deigned to collaborate with us. If you’d like to read more of what they’ve got going on, check out their Substack, aptly named REID.Written by Reid Pope
2004 was a leap year. Zuckerberg launched TheFacebook. The Boston Red Sox won the World Series for the first time since 1918. And I discovered David Mallet’s 1999 filmed production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat starring former-teen-idol and current-Mormon-who’s-had-a-lot-of-work-done, Donny Osmond.
Every night, my weird little eight-year-old ass would shove the Joseph VHS tape into the VCR and prepare myself for a rockin’ 1 hour and 48 minutes of campy, glitz-and-glam Judaism. I’d sit back on the couch in my massive Life Is Good t-shirt and sponge-up the musical bible story—rainbow coat, dancing corn, fog machine, sparkly-Elvis-Pharoah, Go-Go dancers, and all.
The obsession lasted about a year. And drove my parents crazy. To this day, if they hear the first few notes of “Any Dream Will Do” (the opening number), they go running for the hills.
But I loved it. And still do.
I grew up in Northern California alongside the tech boom. I was a shy, AFAB tomboy-ish kid, but I loved musicals. I’d roll up to audition for my Jewish Day School’s production of Minnie’s Boys, ready to “show people what I had to offer” and then choke, quietly retiring to the back of the room where I’d cry or beat myself up for not performing the song as I had the night prior (in the shower). It was confusing. I struggled with my natural timidness and simultaneous desire to be seen. I had no idea who I was. I liked being boy-ish but having long hair. I enjoyed singing and dancing and costumes, but I didn’t want people to perceive me as too girly. The only example of gender, sexuality, and expression that I knew I related to (or at least, was drawn to) was freakin’ Donny Osmond & Co. in Joseph.
For those who haven’t seen the seminal work, I highly suggest grabbing a golden cup, pouring yourself some wine, and smashing play on this YouTube video where you can watch the entire thing for free (with bonus inexplicable Russian subtitles!). While there’s no explicit mention of queerness, trans-ness, gay-ness, lesbianism, or bisexuality in the film, Joseph is queerer, trans-er, gay-er, lesbian-er, and bi-er than most cinema (and yes! I consider it cinema despite the fact it was released directly to video!).
First off, it’s a musical (written by Andrew Lloyd Weber, who also wrote CATS, Jesus Christ Superstar, and Phantom Of The Opera, but is best remembered by his beef with Patti LuPone). The songs themselves have very little cohesion in terms of genre. There’s 50’s rock, Go-Go, Western line dancing, burlesque, French crooning, and Calypso. At one point I thought it moved chronologically through famous eras, but turns out? Nope! It’s a manic collage. It DEFIES logical aesthetic progression! If you’re trying to map something onto it musically or visually? Give up, honey! It will NOT be shoved into a box! It’s NON-BINARY/AGENDER* in that way!
*Did you know gender and genre come from the same root word? I learned about that in college while writing about the poo/butt/low-brow humor in Bridesmaids in an essay I titled, “The Rectal Test”.
In this particular filmed version, the musical is performed in the assembly hall of a primary school. The teachers and school staff play the biblical characters (Duality! Drag!) and the children act as the chorus (something I could deeply relate to as a seasoned chorus gxrl!). It opens with the children and faculty filing in—the environment greyscale and drab, but buzzing with anticipatory “we’re about to see live theater!!!” energy.
The Narrator (played by Maria Freidman, who directed the Merrily We Roll Along revival that’s currently on Broadway) takes the stage. Her hair is SHORT (this speaks volumes about a woman). And she is POWERFUL. I cannot express the gravity of her role. Sure, the title of the work is JOSEPH and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, but everyone who’s anyone knows that the Narrator is the real star. They should retitle the musical/movie, FUTCH NARRATOR WITH INCREDIBLE BELT COMMANDS THE STAGE AND HOLDS DOWN THE MOTHER-EFFING FORT!
God, I just love her. For a while, when I thought I was a futch lesbian, I really tried to channel my inner J&tATD Narrator. I’d walk around, coat over my shoulder, sunglasses on, just STRUTTING my stuff. Owning my shit. Perhaps I could stand to re-access some of that…
ANYWAY, a few years and massive medical transition later, it turns out I’m actually way closer in gender and spirit to the queen who pops in moments later, ensconced in a cloud of smoke: Joseph (or…maybe just Donny). The narrator throws open the auditorium doors and there he is—plunging neckline, hair billowing, and showcasing one of the most beautiful singing voices you’ve ever heard (I don't really have control over my singing voice anymore thanks to testosterone, but I still relate to this element, maybe it’s aspirational). He glides through the chorus of children, singing “Any Dream Will Do”—a lyric that, humiliatingly, was my high school yearbook quote.
By the end of the song, Donny/Joseph has made it to the stage, where he will remain (more-or-less shirtless, abs-out-for-all-to-see, in a little underwear/kilt-thing) for the rest of the performance. Hot! Hot! Hot! Beautiful! Beautiful! Beautiful! (Oh yeah, I should say, it’s unclear as to whether I want to be Joseph, be WITH Joseph, or both—I think probably both).
Next up, we meet Joseph’s family in the rousing number “Jacob And Sons”. Turns out? Joseph’s dad (Jacob) has a lot of wives (poly king!). But also turns out? Joseph’s (dead) mom was his favorite (I haven’t read The Ethical Slut, but I’m not sure you’re allowed to have faves like that, Jacob). By proxy, Joseph is Jacob’s favorite kid because “he reminds him of her”. Is this trans-forward? It feels like Jacob is basically calling Joseph some kinda gay, but also sayin’ he loves it! Ally! Jacob goes PFLAG-parent-mode and gives Joseph a rainbow coat to demonstrate this love. Upon trying it on, Joseph sings, “I look handsome, I look smart. I am a walking work of art” (a tattoo I considered getting post top surgery until every single person in my life was like ABSOLUTELY NOT).
As Joseph revels in his new awesome garment, the schoolchildren in the audience are invited to come up onstage and yell-sing the colors of the coat out loud. They exit the drab, black-and-white world of primary school and are THRUST into the disco-musical-bright-yellow world of Canaan! Everything is “red and yellow and green and brown and scarlet and black and ochre and peach and ruby and olive and violet and fawn and lilac and gold and chocolate and mauve and cream and crimson and silver and rose and azure and lemon and russet and gray and purple and white and pink and orange and red and yellow and green and brown and blue” (real string of lyrics from the song).
Side note: my therapist’s name is Jacob, and every time he’s nice to me, I’m like, “okay… I’m ur Joseph”. Which is totally definitely healthy and normal.
As Act I of the musical progresses, we learn that Joseph basically is really great at interpreting dreams and everyone’s having some nutty ones. Unfortunately, Joseph’s interpretations make his brothers angry and they sell him into slavery and tell their dad that he was murdered by a goat (we’ve all wanted to do this with our one queer astrology friend who’s obsessed with “dream-work”). Joseph is taken to Egypt where he serves a rich man named Potiphar (one of the jazziest songs in the musical) and soon catches the attention of MRS Potiphar who asks him to have an orgy with her. Joseph resists, screaming “I don’t believe in free love!” (which is kind of confusing, given how gay Joseph seems, so honestly, I don’t blame Mrs. P for getting mixed signals). I’m mailing a copy of Ethical Slut to ALW as we speak. Naturally, this outburst lands Joseph in jail, where he belts another banger of a ballad about being alone, “Close Every Door”.
I don’t have time to break down the rest of the movie-musical beat-by-beat, but basically Joseph gets out of jail because a glittery blue Elvis pharaoh who has a lot of genderqueer backup dancers wants to meet Joseph to have him decode his scary dreams. Joseph pulls the jail bars open (breaking boundaries! ACAB! etc!) and exits out into a big Go-Go dance party where everyone’s like, “you and your dreams are ahead of your time!” Act II opens with the queenie Narrator singing “Pharaoh Story” (one of the greatest songs of all time), during which she basically tells all the kids that they should get down on their knees for “The King”.
Then the aforementioned “King” shows up and has huge bejeweled sideburns and is basically in love with Joseph (t4t?) after Joseph tells him what’s what with his dreams. The Narrator continues to be h*rny for everyone and gender kinda flies out the window at this point. Joseph gets put in a strange-golden-hair-hat thing and everyone is HUNGRY, looking famine straight in the eye, and sayin’ let’s dance! Except Joseph’s brothers. Who are really kicking themselves for fake-killing him. Because now they’re starving.
Which brings us to the least-gay scene, “Those Canaan Days”. Despite the fact that the brothers are talking about berets and a sexy woman does a full-on tango in the middle where she spreads her legs wide open, it’s SEXLESS. I suppose rightfully so, as they’re supposed to be wasting away. But still, it’s really…giving nothing. At one point during the dirge, a bunch of animal skeletons roll out on a track and one of the brothers pretends to kill and eat a fly (which is actually kind of strangely almost erotic, if only because it’s a moment of surprise and excitement in an otherwise snoozy attempt at a song about misery). Maybe it’s seductive for straights…maybe this is the number for the heterosexuals. Beats me.
The brothers eventually head to Egypt to grovel at the feet of King-Of-Rock Pharaoh and glowed-up Joseph (in disguise). Joseph “tests” them by claiming one of them stole his golden cup and there’s a bizarre Calypso number that sort of slaps musically but by this point, I remember my 8-year-old-self being like, “okay, time to wind things down, I’m a bit exhausted” (I felt this empathetically for Joseph and the journey he underwent, of course). In a Sasha Velour-esque reveal, Joseph eventually lifts off his head-covering and the brothers are like Oh My God! It’s our brother we lied about and said he got killed by a goat! He forgives them and reunites with Daddy JACOB and they PARTY (as a Megamix of the entire score plays). MEGAMIX! Need I say more?
I must wrap things up, but I cannot express how pivotal this deranged movie was for young, queer me. I get verklempt thinking about my 8-year-old self dancing around the living room to Andrew Lloyd Weber’s soaring score. Joseph, especially this version, understands the bizarre, holy spectacle that is live theater. It captures the magic of a kid watching a musical for the first time. The schoolchildren are pulled onstage, given a place in the story, and allowed to express themselves—in technicolor. I was uncertain of most things at eight, but I knew for a FACT that I loved Joseph. Donny Osmond was beautiful. The show was perfect. In the living room, with Joseph on, any of my dreams would and could “do”.
^By the way, I don’t run this page, but I’m unbelievably obsessed with it. After you watch the film, treat yourself to a few hours of scrolling. Each meme is spot-on.
Hi it’s us :) We tried to tell you they were hilarious and you didn’t listen! If you need another hit, we are obsessed with their chaotic diary entries like this one.
Next week, Meg attempts to scare the gay away with a review of Kristen Stewart’s new show Living for the Dead.
 | A guest post by
|
<3 any dream will do <3 !!!!
Oh wow I thought this was an only me experience. I LOVE Joseph so much that I literally broke the VHS tape - and I still watch the movie at least like 3 times a year. My girlfriend has learned all the words of "Close Every Doo" purely by osmosis. You're so right, it is a delightful queer romp and I love it. Off to listen to the soundtrack rn.